When Hurt....
We have a few things in common, but one that is most striking is that each of us has been hurt by someone we loved, or that we thought loved us. Each of us could testify that we got a “gut punch” when someone betrayed us, or threw us under the bus, so to speak. I have received more emails this fall than I can ever recall from friends, former campers and staff, all hurting because of broken or wounded relationships. The common theme was: “How could my friend treat me like this?” Nothing brings out my indignation more than when I see a person I love being abused, ignored, laughed at, or used. Sometimes I, too, am scorned and ignored, or hurt by one I thought would never let me down. All of us who live long enough have been scarred by the wounds and stained by the tears that were only possible because we were very close to someone we loved incredibly; then one day, inexplicably, that person we trusted with our life stopped loving us or hurt us so deeply that we had to let go of that relationship. During those times, you have a hard time breathing; you hurt so much you never want to be close to another soul again; you find yourself walking like a zombie or in a bad dream; nothing seems to matter anymore.
To choose to have a best friend, or to fall in love with, or have a child, or simply have affection for someone for any reason is to take the risk that someday the beloved will break your heart by rejecting, ignoring, or deceiving you. And it happens too often. But I would argue that, painful as all of this is, it helps us grow into sons and daughters of Almighty God, because it directs our thoughts and ideas back to God.
Where did the idea of “that’s not fair” come from? How did the notion that love should be pure and faithful come to be a part of our imagination—when it obviously is not our nature? Why do we keep falling in love, thinking about, praying, and caring for the same one that mocks us, lies about us, hurts us, and seems to no longer love us? Yesterday, I received the most vile, unkind, and hateful letter I have received in my life—from one I love to death. What am I to do? Argue and fight and respond with more hatred and profanity? No! I am to rest, knowing that Jesus knows the truth—and He tells me that He understands what it’s like to be wounded by those I love.
I pray that God frees me from the need to prove that I am right to those that say I am wrong! The answer, when someone you love appears to stop loving you, is of course to turn to God, not to defend yourself. God will take care of you! God is love (I John 4:8, NIV). Paul said, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7. But this will not happen if you decide to make things right on your own!
God created love and all those sublime aspects of love that make our hearts and imaginations race! We were created both to love and to be loved… that’s how He engineered us. Praise God when your heart is breaking about something that was clearly unfair, unkind, unfaithful, or ignoble; it is precisely because there is something that is fair, kind, faithful, and noble that our hearts pine and are confused. We know that a broken heart is not the way things should be! We know that life should not be about the things that break hearts but rather the things that cause a heart to sing. He is the author of that idea. We get comfort knowing this: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV
But yes, there are days it seems too heavy—the load seems unbearable. We fall and stumble and stagger at the hurt. If the hurt is deep enough, and the person we love was close enough to us, we think we have no reason to live another day…we decide that we will never fall in love again… we question, “How can there be a God when He keeps letting my heart be broken?”
This is why the Word of God is so essential for us as believers! David said this: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18. Remember that God is not only the “inventor” of that which we crave the most… love… but also the one who can heal our love-starved hearts and give us a deeper love and a more intimate relationship.
I must ever remember that I am not just the other men or women are—I am a child of the King of Kings. I’ve been redeemed to live and love and respond to unlovely things they do- as Jesus did! Jesus knows what it’s like to be hurt! Peter broke His heart when he denied Him three times, and Jesus looked straight at Peter, perhaps with tears, but He forgave Peter! Years later, Peter wrote this in one of his epistles: “He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” – 1 Peter 2:24 NIV. And remember, this same Peter, who betrayed and denied Jesus three times during the passion, was also hurt when Jesus, just a few days later, asked him, “Peter, do you love me?” Jesus asked it three times, and Peter, painfully, sorrowfully, recalling that he had just denied Jesus three times(!), said, yes, yes, yes—I love you. And what did Jesus do? He established Peter as the rock, the head, the first Pope of the church.
Jesus is the example, and he always emphasized the importance of forgiveness and understanding when someone we love hurts us. Our love for each other should be resilient, allowing us to navigate pain with compassion and a willingness to reconcile, rather than harboring resentment or anger—or wanting to get even. Leave that to God, seek restoration, and watch how God blesses you and how He humbles the offender. Give Him space to bring about what you and I cannot. We’re told again and again, “Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” – Psalm 55:22
C.S. Lewis once emphasized that love inherently involves vulnerability when we get married, have children, make friends, and so on—loving someone can lead to deep hurt. He suggests that while love can very often cause pain, it is still worthwhile, as it teaches us about suffering and connection and gives us a greater understanding of God’s incredible love for us—undeserving and unworthy as we are. Ultimately, Lewis believes that enduring such pain can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of love itself. And of course, again, it leads us to God!
One of my personal favorites, Winston Churchill emphasized resilience and perseverance in the face of a broken heart. He also believed that while hurt is inevitable, it is essential to maintain strength and continue moving forward, focusing on the greater good rather than dwelling on personal grievances. You have to let go and keep living and breathing! Isaiah knew suffering and hurt and abandonment, but here’s what he said: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10, NIV
Dietrich Bonhoeffer emphasizes the importance of enduring pain and maintaining love when someone we care about causes us hurt. He suggests that rather than seeking to fill the emotional void left by their actions, we should focus on enduring the suffering and holding onto love as a guiding principle. Why? To behold how God heals those of us who are steadfast in the conviction that God will prevail! “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” – Psalm 42:11
He promises to give us "the desires of our hearts"(Psalm 37:4, NIV), but He never suggested that our hearts would not be wounded in the process. Do I trust Him? Is He able to give me the love for which my soul pants?
When I was in Kindergarten, Skeeter Davis sang a song that the most popular song of the year.
The End of The World:
Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?’
Cause you don't love me any more
Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when I lost your love
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
This is a song about one who has had her heart broken. All of us understand that feeling. But God can heal it! “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord.” – Jeremiah 30:17
Is Jesus, truly, the ultimate lover of my soul, or have I trusted my heart to someone else? If He is the faithful and true lover of your soul, then you must wait and allow Him, in His time, to answer your prayers as you exercise your faith in Him. “Though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him.” (Job 13:15, KJV). May Job’s words become the words of my friends who are suffering today in anguish.
And even if you have denied Jesus in the past—do you love Him now? Like Peter, are you prepared to admit your denials of Jesus in the way you’ve lived, and are you ready to be restored to the proper relationship with Him? He’s ready to forgive you. Can you forgive yourself and accept His hand upon your life?
Comments