Two weeks ago one of my very best friends was killed in a tragic ATV accident. Time seemed to stop—-everything became all so foggy and hard to believe. We were all in a daze and did not know what to say. Jerry and I met every day for almost 20 years at my home for coffee, working out, and just talking about life. The camp’s weight room became our “Cheers Bar”—we spoke of things in confidence as best friends do.
Jerry came to my home for one of our daily expressos…. every morning….and we talked about family—-his and mine—-about politics, Bible passages, theology, eschatology, and most recently, death. We both had a premonition that one of us was about to die, and we both assumed it would be me. It was not supposed to be Jerry. But the thing he talked about most was his absolute certainty of his love for God….his salvation….and how that love and salvation compelled him to obey—even when he most certainly did not want to obey!
Jerry Lucia read his Bible, prayed, sought out spiritual counsel and listened to, and obeyed the Holy Spirit—-even when he did not like what he heard the Spirit say. He was an obedient son. He and I had a lot in common—-that’s an essential matter for best friends.
And now that he is gone, I will share this truth with you: he and I, grown men, cried in front of each other far more than we cried in front of others. We both wept for our families and things that are worth crying about. Those tears somehow seemed to bind us together even closer—it became a “super glue”. I shared my intimate friendship with Jerry with another friend, and he was speechless—and finally admitted that he did not have—and had never known of such a tight friendship.
If you knew Jerry, you would know that he was different…and particularly in this way: he did not live a life looking out for himself….or feeling sorry for himself… or making excuses. Jerry was a friend I could always lean upon to help me with things I could not fix. He’s no longer here to cut down trees for me, help me with a Jeep motor, grade my roads or repair a weed-eater.
If you are a person that focuses exclusively on yourself—and how to make your life easier, more restful, safer or more secure, you’ve nothing like one of my best friends. And you probably don’t have many friends. But my friend, Jerry, did not help people because it was his role, or his call or his passion. He helped total strangers, at times, he denied himself, and fixed things for others because it was his new nature. Jesus transformed him, as a young man, from a taker, a leech, one that sucks life out of a family or community, into a giant of a man that was a fountain of
generosity and industry—the man gave and gave and gave—and he was happier, more at peace, and more of a joy to be around because of it. He found great contentment in doing menial tasks for our camp, like cutting down trees—-and then mulching the branches and cleaning up the debris because his joy came from being emptied, poured out and broken for others. You see, I chose Jerry as my friend because he had the same love for Jesus and the same ideas of generosity and kindness I wanted in my own life. Jerry and I were iron on iron—we sharpened each other. His selflessness infected me—as did the other good things about his character. That’s what friends—-especially very close friends and best friends—do for each other!
Jerry was always on time….he always kept his promise to me—— unless his wife would not let him come out and play with me. I could trust Jerry—and he could trust me. We treated each other like we each wanted to be treated. I will never have a better friend—I have now been disenfranchised of the one man that knew the worst about me and still loved me as his closest friends—he treated me better than anyone I have known.
As one of my closest ally, Jerry also knew, the words of Jesus in the gospel of John: “The world hates you because I have chosen you.” We both knew that we would be attacked for doing the right thing——but there’s something reassuring knowing that you’re not alone—that you have a brother standing with you, who would take a bullet for you. One the over 5000 times Jerry and I worked out together in the weight room, I came to understand this wisdom from Solomon: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken” Ecclesiastes 4:9–12, NIV.
Pity the man that always does things alone. And while he was alive, pity the man that said bad things about me to Jerry Lucia! He loved me as his best friend and stood up for me. We all need that! Solomon said., "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."Proverbs 18:24. Most of us just float through our lives meeting people that we casually call neighbors or friends—-but they’re really just acquaintances. If you would be healthy in your soul—-have and be a best friend. Why, because “"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17, NIV
But my message today is not really about Jerry—-it’s about what each of us needs in our journey on this planet—-we need friends—and men in particular need best friends. That’s what I had in Jerry—-a friend—in fact one of the best friends I’ve ever known. Christians needs best friends. Yes, it’s great to have a boyfriend, or girlfriend…. and even better to have a spouse! But a friend is different. “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself thought this way or did things this way” “What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share the same convictions.” For a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances of this happening by accident. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” (C.S. Lewis)
We need friends—God expects to be make friends and to be friends—it’s essential for evangelism! But how can you have a best friend? By loving those that God places in your life that might become the ones destined become our best friends. Jesus said, ”My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” John 15:12-13, NIV. That’s what a best friend would do for you—-you’re so precious to him or her that he would take a bullet for you. It does not make sense! It somewhat destroys the idea of the survival of the fittest and Darwinian evolution!
God never demanded that a woman or a man be married. But he did say that it “is not good for a man to be alone.” It’s just not healthy to not have close friends—-you’re never going to enjoy and measure up to the life you could have if you’re always doing things alone. Married or single, we need friends. Jesus Himself, the very son of God, had friends—it’s one of those things that made Him “fully human”.
Paul said, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. “3. Colossians 3:12–14. This is what best friends do!
And as a friend sharpens you, he or she will often tell you things you need to hear and don’t like! “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:5–6, NIV. I have friends that hurt me—-but they hurt me like a dentist hurts my tooth to bring about healing!
Open rebukes, privately given by a best friend, gives you the chance to reflect on the course of the path you should be walking, where hidden love perceives but fails to communicate the possibility of such a need.
The wounds of a friend are meant to cut to the heart for the good of the person, whereas the kisses of an enemy are devised to appease the heart in order to hide the hurt that has or is to come .
The common bond that sustained my friendship with Jerry was our mutual love for God. I’ve never known a man who knew Jesus better—-or more certain of his destiny—more determined to love his wife and children…or more devoted as a friend.
But for Jerry, it all came back to FIRST AND FOREMOST, his love of Jesus and his determination to be an obedient son of God. That’s the single most important thing to look for as you make friends—-and discover your best friend.
May Jerry rest in peace—-and may God allow me to be a friend to others like Jerry was to me.
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