How Much Does He Love Me?

How Much Does He Love Me?

I got a little sick recently, have not been able to sleep well for two nights in a row, and am trying to finish too many things in too short of a time. Perfect conditions for being irritable. These are days I just want to “check out” and head home. But I have responsibilities, four young men to raise, and I was redeemed and purchased by the blood of Jesus Christ to serve Him—-not to simply talk long strolls in the park. In short, I am here for a reason and whether I like my present circumstances or those placed upon me in a year or ten years hence, I am not my own and in these matters I am expected to reason like an adult, not a spoiled child.

But today, as I was praying and reminding God of how frail, inept and inadequate I am, my youngest son interrupted me, crawled into my lap, kissed me several times on the cheek and told me over and over that he loved me. He just wanted to be near me and fall back asleep. What an epiphany and humble wake up call for me. This little boy loves me, dysfunctional father though I am, and I love him and would do anything under the sun to help me, protect him and provide me.

Then it hit me: God, my heavenly Father, whom I know and love, loves me far more than I could ever love my nine year old. But if I can be counted upon to love, protect and care for my sons, (as any good father does) have I forgotten that He will do the same and more than I cam imagine? He is not going to provide a stone when I ask for a piece of bread or hemlock when I ask for a drink. He will withhold no good thing from me and has purposed and promised to give me the desires of my heart. “I can do all things through Christ!”

For reasons I cannot explain, I fail to remember spiritual truths like this. God loves me and cares about me even when I get too busy and too squeezed. I begin to slip when I start pondering that it’s “all up to me” and that “God expects me to figure this thing out and wrestle it to the ground”, when, in fact, what He really wants is for me to tell Him that I love Him (i.e. praise Him) and meekly admit my needs, haunting thoughts, dreams and hopes.

He’s a very good Father and I can rest assured that each time I come to Him, even before I ask, He knows my needs and His arms are open wide to pick me up, wipe every tear from my eye and remind me that He will ever love me and be there for me.

But I would bear in mind that just because my boys can manipulate me, try to tease or trick me into getting them things they don’t need, or allowing them to go to places the should not, my Father is wise and able to give me the best, not simply the things I pine for now and then regret tomorrow. Yes, He may on rare occasion give into my constant pleading, but I cannot wear Him down or exasperate Him; He loves me too much to give me the wrong things at the wrong time. And of course, if I am a good father, I will follow that example with my own sons.